Fw: How Marriage works

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies ...

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face.  I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany ,
Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you
know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was
getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I
won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took
out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing,
dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your
Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are
Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere!   Got it,
A**hole?'

So he stayed home............

........and, they lived happily ever after.

 

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja
http://www.ebearweb.net/bujinkan/

Stephen's Snaps

http://photo.ebearweb.net/

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Fwd: Crocs

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of lake burleigh griffith

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how

you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size

as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the river near the parking lot by the Houses of Parliament .'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their utes and wait for one to unlock

the car door.  Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of

them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not

getting any real nourishment.

See, by the time you finish shaking the shit

out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja
http://www.ebearweb.net/bujinkan/

Stephen's Snaps

http://photo.ebearweb.net/

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Fw: Full Disclosure...it's the LAW!

 
The law says you must give full disclosure of any problems with a house when you sell it.
 

Fw: Blonde

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize.
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You're listening to your I-pod

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja
http://www.ebearweb.net/bujinkan/

Stephen's Snaps

http://photo.ebearweb.net/

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.