Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Fwd: Nancy Reagan

We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.
You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young
man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.
Hinckley was
absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind,
loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her,
he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released having been rehabilitated.
Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley.

To: John  Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted  to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know
that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.
We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to
such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete
recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Kevin Rudd has been banging Jodie Foster
like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

Thursday, January 07, 2010


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

A Mate of mine told me this...

A true Bundy Rum Fishing Story
BUNDY RUM (Bundaberg Rum)  =  Queensland's famous product! Forget Jamaica or any other rubbish!

A Mate of mine told me this story and swears it's Fair dinkum.
Here's what he told me:
I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a King Brown (For you overseas people..a King Brown is one of the deadliest snakes on earth) with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten. I grabbed my bottle of Bundaberg rum and poured a little rum in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog.

A little later I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja

Stephen's Snaps

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Fw: How Marriage works

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies ...

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face.  I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany ,
Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the
know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying,

'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was
getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I
won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took
out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing,
dirty words and all that...'

'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your
Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are
Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere!   Got it,

So he stayed home............

........and, they lived happily ever after.


Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja

Stephen's Snaps

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fwd: Crocs

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of lake burleigh griffith
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the river near the parking lot by the Houses of Parliament .'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their utes and wait for one to unlock
the car door.  Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment.
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja

Stephen's Snaps

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Fw: Full's the LAW!

The law says you must give full disclosure of any problems with a house when you sell it.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Fw: Blonde

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize.
You're listening to your I-pod

Bujinkan: Martial Arts of the Samurai and Ninja

Stephen's Snaps

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.